“We just got up from shivah,” Gideon Bayer tells me in fluent Hebrew as his eyes sadden. “We sacrificed that which was most precious to us: our dear son Uriah. What keeps us going is the outpouring of love we’ve received from am Yisrael. People from all over the country came to visit us during the shivah, both those we knew and those we didn’t know. It was very comforting.”
Hearing him speak, it’s easy to forget that Gideon is a German Christian who was born in a small village in the Black Forest. His son Uriah, who was a member of the elite Maglan Unit, was killed a few weeks ago while serving in Gaza.
Gideon was two years old when his parents—Hans and Christel—were sent to Israel by Zedakah, a German Christian organization that was originally founded to establish a guesthouse for Holocaust survivors in Shavei Tzion. Later, the organization also built a nursing home for them in Maalot Tarshicha.
These days, Gideon and his brother Micha lead a team of Christian volunteers from Germany who help the survivors in the nursing home, which is also where they themselves live. Gideon and his wife Nelly, who is also German, had five children, including Uriah.
“Uriah was always a quiet and gentle person,” says Gideon. “He always loved to help.
“Around four months ago, I planted a garden in the courtyard of the nursing home. Uriah would call me from his army base to ask how it was coming along. He promised that when he came home on leave he would help me. Sadly, he never had the opportunity.”
On October 7, Uriah heard the news of the Hamas attack at 7:15 in the morning. He immediately woke up his mother and asked her to drive him to Nahariya, from where he would try to get a lift to the south so he could help. His oldest brother Zuriel, who serves in a different elite unit in the standing army, was sent straight to the south, where he engaged in the fighting against the terrorists who attacked Kibbutz Be’eri.
Over the next few days another two of their brothers were called up as reserves, so the Bayers now had four sons serving in the IDF. Meanwhile, the north of Israel started to be hit by rocket fire from Lebanon, and the residents of the nursing home had to be moved down to the underground safe rooms while the upper floors were occupied by on-duty reservists. The whole building was plunged into an atmosphere of war.
Uriah was home on leave the week before he was killed, and he described to his family what it was like to be in Gaza. “He told us about the battles, but he also said that everything would be fine and we shouldn’t worry,” says Gideon. “After he left, he called to say that he loved us. A few days later we were informed that he had been injured, and the army took us to Soroka Hospital, where he died.”
Uriah’s brothers were taken off active duty. “The army doesn’t allow bereaved brothers to take part in combat, but my sons refuse to accept that. We’ll see what happens. We just finished shivah.”
The custom of sitting shivah is exclusively Jewish, and I wonder how the Bayers came to adopt it.
“A few years ago we attended Nelly’s grandmother’s funeral in Germany, and it was an upsetting experience,” Gideon explains. “I know about levayot and shivah from my work at the nursing home, and I know how burial is done according to Jewish law and custom. But in Germany, I was shocked to see how they lowered the coffin, threw some flowers into the open grave, and then left without covering it. Filling it in with dirt was left for the workers. I explained to the family that in Israel the deceased is buried, not just left there. They didn’t understand, so I filled it in myself. Then the extended family went to the departed’s home, drank something and went home. That’s when I knew that we would have to adopt the Jewish customs if we ever lost someone.
“The custom of shivah is good for both sides: the people who lost a beloved relative, and those who wish to offer them comfort. We see from Iyov that his friends came to comfort him after his terrible losses, and for the first seven days they just sat with him quietly. We will soon be going to Germany, where many people knew Uriah, and we will sit shivah there as well.”
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