Okay, there’s little use carrying on our little charade anymore. We Jews have been exposed. And widely, not only by current Middle-Eastern media and personalities but even by a social-media-exhumed Osama bin Laden—as well as by venerable clergymen and great Western minds like the honorable Louis Farrakhan and the equally honorable David Duke.
The entire world now knows just what we Hebrews are really up to. Oh, well.
Just the other day, I and other leaders of the international Zionist cabal had our once-a-decade meeting in that old cemetery in an undisclosed Eastern European country. How refreshing it was to be back again amidst the crumbling headstones and heavy atmosphere of death! Just like the wonderful olden days when our predecessors, the first Elders of Zion, got their act together and issued orders to kill children and poison wells.
Ah, those were good times for sure! But things have gotten even rosier since the Middle Ages, when manipulating world financial institutions and fomenting wars were slow and difficult processes, accomplished only with years of crafty planning and the occasional assassination.
These days, though, even at midnight among the ancient gravestones, we are easily in touch through WhatsApp with all the economic, mercantile and political centers of the world. Not to mention through our UFO fleet, which, you have probably guessed by now, are our operation, too. Space lasers were only the start.
Modern technology has also allowed us, within seconds of our decisions to steer public opinion one way or another, to apprise our agents in Hollywood of our votes. Entire production companies have been mobilized in hours to faithfully enact our diabolical edicts.
And whenever our world-domination plan met annoying obstacles, like interest rate changes or stock market disturbances, the Organized International Venture of Yahoods (OIVY, pronounced “OyVey”) had only to message Agent Yellen at the Treasury, ordering her to set things straight. If only the revered plotters of yesteryear could see us now!
Not, though, that everything has been hunky-dory. Any idea how hard it is to create a pandemic? And to get everyone to blame it on China?
You’d never guess how we eventually pulled it off. The last time we met, ten years ago, we devised the perfect way to disseminate deadly germs. Poisoning wells, of course, is passé.
So, for that matter, are wells. The vector we used to launch COVID-19 and the later variants we came up with was…the bagel. Never suspected that, did you?
It was a brilliant strategy. We already controlled the international bagel supply chain, of course, and so all we had to do was inject the delectables with the virus (“everything” bagels got double doses). No one seems to have noticed how we Semites quietly stopped eating bagels years ago, opting for Chinese (quite an irony that, with Wuhan and all).
Of course, bagels as our weapons of choice made it challenging to infect Africa, but our fabled marketing cunning came through. It was just a matter of fomenting famines and civil wars here and there on the continent. Then we just let our UN lackeys provide “relief” in the form of…well, just guess. And before you could say hydroxychloroquine, we had ourselves a world-class epidemic. The rest, as in all our successful plots against mankind, is history!
So, despite the revealing of some of our nefarious activities, we’re doing pretty well.
There’s really only one hope for those perspicacious folks who have discovered some of our plots, only one way for them to head off our ultimate goal of taking over the world and enslaving humanity.
You see, we Jewish folk, or at least a lot of us, live in Brooklyn. For an obvious reason: it’s convenient. Wall St. is right over the bridge.
See where am I heading? If the saviors of the world want to subvert our plan to take over the globe (and, I mean, after all, today it’s Earth; tomorrow, the galaxy), there’s a simple way to disrupt the Grand Jewish Plot. All that those who have come to know and hate us have to do is…take possession of the Brooklyn Bridge.
Of course, we own that, too. Hot tip, though: We’re open to offers.
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